I'm an Infertile Lesbian...thank you, Captain Obvious.

It's true. Neither my partner or I have sperm. There hasn't been an Immaculate Conception yet, and all of our efforts to reproduce have ended up with no results. Finally we decided to contact help.

We started our research about a year ago at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in Lebanon, NH. We had heard such good things about their program that we didn't even look into any options in Boston. That day I called them to make an appointment, I will admit, I was nervous. I dialed the main line to the hospital, knowing that I would get an opperator who would then connect me to the right person. The phone answered, 'Thank you for calling Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center, how may I direct your call?' I said, 'Yes, my partner and I are looking for information on pregnancy.' At first, the lady didn't hear me correctly and asked me to repeat myself. So I refraised, 'My partner and I are trying to get pregnant and looking for information.' She then said, 'Oh, I'll connect you to the Infertility Department.' Infertility? Is that what this is considered? So our lack of sperm makes us infertle? As if I weren't already a little shaky on the phone, now the infertility person answered the phone. 'Infertility, this is so-and-so, how can I help you?' I repeated my reason for calling and her first question was, 'When was the date of your last period?'. I felt stupid and replied, 'I'm not sure.' She asked, 'What do you mean, aren't you pregnant?' Finally I realized that we were both confused, so I slowed down my nervous voice and explained that I am a big dyke who has never had sex with a man and is not planning on it anytime soon. HA! Not exactly, but I was a bit clearer, louder and slower this time. Sort of as if I were talking to a really old, hard-of-hearing nurse lady. Now that we were both on the same page, I calmed down and made an appointment for the following week to come up and meet the doctors and nurses who would help us gain some fertility.

What's funny is that durring our initial meeting they made us feel as if they had zillions of lesbian couples currently inseminating in this very department. I understand that there are people using this hospital's services who actual can be considered infertile, but perhaps a more PC department name would bode better for my ego. Something like 'Pregnancy Assistance'...yeah. That would make everyone feel better, not just us demented lesbians who are already ashamed of our lack of sperm.