Sunday, March 11, 2012

Hard Days Night

Up until this point, I feel like I've been fairly optimistic about this whole process. Even though I get discouraged at times, I always jump back to being positive. The other day as I left work and headed to CVS to pick up my letrozole and ovidrel once again, something changed; my chest ached. I was disappointed, mad, frustrated. Why hasn't this worked? I was discouraged. Here we go again.

Wait, am I going to turn into that blogger? Crap.

We've been to 9 unsuccessful IUI's to date, but we've been officially at it for one year this month. We took two months off during the concussion phase, and then another month off when we switched doctors and did the HSG. I think it's really hitting home this month since it's been a year of it now.

My therapist says that I should embody the new spring season and be aware of all the reproduction and births happening around me in nature.  It's hard to do that when most of my outdoor time is spent speeding by nature on the highway; an hour and twenty minutes each way on a good day. I've been trying to look out my windshield and observe the trees...are they budding yet? But, it's getting dark by this point, and it seems to be distracting me from staying in my lane more than anything at this point.

As I pulled into the parking lot and went inside, I saw the same young guy behind the counter as always. He must always work the closing shift. He asked my name and got my prescriptions. As he put them down on the counter, he empathetically said 'still no luck?'

I paused, sort of questioning the fact that he was asking me such a personal question about the prescriptions I was picking up. Isn't that breaking some patient confidentiality law thingy?

'No, not yet.'

'My wife and I are trying to get pregnant too. She's taking Clomid, but I think we're going to do the trigger injections soon.' Now I understood.

'And how does she like the Clomid?'

'She hates it, horrible.'

'The letrozole is way better, no side effects at all. You guys should try it. How long have you been trying to get pregnant?'

'Six months. She just doesn't ovulate.' His face visibly sank. 'It's so hard.'

I agreed. He finished cashing me out (I was also picking up some very vogue nail polish I saw in some bridal magazine) and I said as cheerfully as possible, 'I hope I don't see you next month!' I wished him luck and went on my way.

He sort of changed my day with that short conversation. Here was this young man...I can only assume his wife is young as well...who saw me, a young woman, and just couldn't resist but to talk to somebody who would understand. I am so glad he broke whatever rules he broke. I don't even know his name, but I will be sure to stop in next month regardless and see how it's going.

1 comment:

  1. isnt it so strange what a 30 second conversation can do for your day? it truly is incredible. it must be hard to be told to look for all of the spring births around you when thats all you want for yourself. im a "therapist"(i only put quotes bc technically im a social worker, but i do psychotherapy), i dont think id be telling a client having fertility troubles to seek out births elsewhere. just hang in there, you're going to get to where you want to be. stay strong :o)