not pregnant, pregnant, not pregnant

This is going to be a long post; my apologies now for being long-winded. I have a pumpkin beer helping me write, so I'm good. Go on, get yourself a cocktail.

Friday morning: Tinkle day. Both of us got up at 5am so that I could use my first tinkle of the day for the test. As I walked into the bathroom, I was thinking that something was up down there....period; a familiar spoogy sensation. I am literally half asleep, so I get the tinkle stick out anyway and pee on it. Less than a minute later, it says 'pregnant'. We are both a little dazed and confused (simply because it's 5am). My partner wears contacts and hasn't put them in yet. She has to put her face way up to the display screen to read the single word. It really says 'pregant,' not ' not pregnant.' We don't know what to think. I rationalize that maybe I'm just having a little light spotting. So we start our day as cautiously excited.

We go downstairs, make some coffee and write an email to our contact at Dartmouth. I go off to work.

By the time I get to the north country, I've got an email back from our contact. She wants us to tell her about the color of the blood and says that we should go in for a blood test. I write back.

It's Friday, and for those of you who get it, it's not the greatest day for me to have to leave work early. Or at all. But it never fails that we're going to have our IUI's and whatever else we need to do on Fridays. My body is playing sick games with me I think. It's not just ironic.

So I leave our contact a voicemail. Finally around noon she gets back to me. She asks me where I'd like to go to get my blood drawn and I say back somewhere near my house. We talk about the hospital which is minutes from my house. Fine, she'll set it up. 'Oh wait,' she says. 'Let's check your blood type. Oh, you're a negative blood type which means you'll need Rhogam.'

'What is Rhogam? Why do I need it?'

'Rhogam is a shot that women with negative blood types need when they first get pregnant, again at 28 weeks, and then again after birth only if the child has (a certain blood type that I can't recall).'

What I want to say is 'why the hell are you just now figuring this out when you've known my blood type since day one?' But, I digress. Same lack of communication, different day.

'Okay, so where can I get the shot?' We decide that she'll set it up for me to get my blood drawn at the local hospital and then if I'm in fact pregnant, go to my PCP for the shot. I am to wait until she gets back to me with more info.

She calls me back in a few minutes. Apparently my PCP takes an hour and a half for lunch, so she can't talk to them until 1:30pm. Are you serious? Who has that much time for lunch? Finally again, our contact calls back at 2pm. Still waiting to hear back from someone else regarding the blood work. We're in a holding pattern.

Finally, I just can't think clearly anymore at work. Must be around 3:00pm. I've got to get out of the north country or I'll never get back home before the end of business hours. I call our contact and tell her I'm headed down south. 'Any additional word?'

'No', she says. 'Still waiting'.

So I go home. Then I get a phone call at 4:45 from my PCP. They are wondering where I am. I am now just confused. I was waiting for more information, and never got it. My PCP asked if I'd had the blood work done yet. When I said no, she said I should get my butt to the hospital since their lab closes at 5pm. WHAT THE FUCK. No information. Huge communication breakdown on all parties.

I get to the lab at literally 4:55. They are trying to explain to me that I won't be able to get my lab results back today, which means that I'll have to wait until tomorrow to know if I need the Rhogam or not. But Saturday is not an option for a potential doctor's appointment that's 2 freakin hours from my job. Silly brides and their weddings.

The lab people have a private huddle and decide that they can stay late to do my test. Amazing, and so nice of them considering how long my day has been at this point. They said we should go home and they'll call me in an hour or two.

We go home. At this point, I'm fairly convinced that I'm not pregnant. My period is raging and the cramps are unbearable. When the phone rings, we put it on speaker and happily say 'hi'. The woman says 'Well, don't sound so excited. You're not pregnant.' It was a gentle let down, really. Not.

Shock. Tears. Confusion. Advil. In that order. Why was the at home test positive in the first place? Another email sent to our contact with a fresh list of questions.

I don't think Mother Nature likes me on Fridays. She is always screwing with them.