Relax, bug eye, you're making me nuts.

Last night as I told my partner that I'd started my period earlier in the day, we got into our now once-monthly argument over what we can do to improve our chances of pregnancy. As mentioned earlier, patience is not a virtue that she holds dearly. She was insisting that I call the nurse (as I would anyway at this point to let her know that I'm in fact not pregnant) and list off a bunch of questions about what we're doing/not doing and to make sure that there's nothing else we should be doing. She also has this thing about meningitis. When I was nine I had a form of meningitis, and she's convinced it has raised my body temperature permanently, decreasing our chances of pregnancy (not the case, solid 98.6). We have asked the question before; she won't let it go.

I tell her that I can't go on like this. I refuse to ask these questions every, single month. I think that we both need to just stop with the crazy proactivity and let nature take it's course. The only valid question that we might have is to ask about the difference between clomid and letrozole once more and see if it could be a good option for me....clomid=crazy bitch, letrozole I'm sure=different list of similar side effects. But perhaps I will bring this up to the nurse today when I call.

'I feel so vulnerable. I am the third party,' she says. She is sort of out of the loop, I suppose. I make all the phone calls, send all the emails, talk to the nurses, order the sperm. 'If you want to be a part of the process, you actually need to do something. Why don't you make the phone call tomorrow, then you can ask your questions?' Same conversation we had last month. We decide that I will make the phone call since I can explain how I feel with the clomid better than she can. I promise to repeat verbatim my conversation with the nurse instead of abbreviating like I normally do. Same resolution as last month.

'This is really hard, really hard,' I say to her. 'But I don't want you to feel left out, your shouldn't. You are just as important in this process as I am.' It's taken probably 15 minutes to get to this point. We both calm down.

Finally, we pause. Sarcasm takes over. I tell her that I'm also going to ask the nurse for a prescription horse tranquilizer that she can take on days 27-30 of my cycle.