We went in for our SSG last week. This is a test where a balloon in inserted into the uterus with a catheter. Then they fill the balloon with air and saline so the full outline of the uterus is visible via ultrasound. I really do have a challenging situation down there for these doctors and nurses. None of them can easily get through my cervix. It takes forever with lots of painful prodding and poking and 'clamping' (which I just would rather not think about). Just about as our doctor was ready to give up, it worked. The picture was so cool to see (just like it was from when we had the HSG). I do in fact have two small polyps right next to each other. One is 4mm and the other is 5mm. Relatively speaking, these are very small polyps.
Following my probing, we spoke with our doctor in her office. She has left the decision for removal up to us as there really isn't much research dealing with the success rate of pregnancy following removal of polyps that are so small. She said that most would consider removal only if they were 1 or 1.5 centimeters or larger. I asked her about how we would go about removing them. Prior to my appointment, she had said that it could happen either in the office or in the OR. After her challenging experience trying to get in my hoo haa just now, she said she would do it under full anesthesia in the OR so that all the possible tools needed would be accessible. She did recommend that if we are going to move forward with IVF that we would want to remove them in order to create the best possible scenario for pregnancy.
I am thinking that I'm all set with full anesthesia in the OR for tiny polyps that may not really be affecting anything, and my partner is totally behind that as well. And I don't think we're going to move forward with IVF. Our insurance does not cover any part of it. I did speak with the financial advisor at Dartmouth Hitchcock and she did prepare me by telling me to sit down. The procedure is $7500 and the drugs could be an additional $5 or $6000. Wholly shit fuck. For only a 50% chance of success, we've decided that we'll pass for now.
After saying this to our doctor, she asked us what our plan is for moving forward if we're not going to do IVF. We have been thinking about this a lot lately. A couple weeks ago, my mentality was that I could only handle two or three more IUI's before I would be completely tapped emotionally. Today, I think we could go on like this for a while more. Who's to say that there aren't lots of women who have small polyps and have had kids successfully (since there isn't much research...)? Obviously, there has to be an end to IUI's at some point (hopefully because I'm pregnant, duh). If that point comes we would consider adoption. For now, I am focusing on the positive. It's time to stop thinking like someone who is a part of an 'infertility department' at a 'hospital' and start thinking like a 'normal' lesbian :-) hehe...
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Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts
Monday, April 16, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Fertility Mug is Broken
A few months ago my partner and I went back home to western MA to celebrate our friend's surprise birthday. We had made plans with her partner to stay at their house that night so we didn't have to get a hotel room. It was so much fun to surprise her!
Later that night, we went back to their house to get settled in. There was one more present to open: a coffee mug for the birthday girl. This was no ordinary mug. The birthday girl has asked for a new, hand-made mug from her favorite potter. When she opened it up, I mentioned how much I liked it as well. And then my guest bedroom was calling....I have such a low tolerance for booze now that I barely drink anything at all....
The next morning as we were getting ready to go, both of our hosts approached me with a box. I knew the mug was in it. After asking why they were giving it to me, they said 'it can be your fertility mug,' and the name sort of stuck.
No matter how I've tried to think positive this week, as I tinkled on the stick and saw the results of IUI #10, I knew the outcome would be negative. I've had cramps for days now. I found my phone and sent a text to the WMA girls. 'The fertility mug is broken.' But just as quickly as that text was sent, they replied with their super-supportive attitudes and comments. I wish so much (for both of our sakes) that we were physically closer to some of our friends back home. It's hard sometimes when we only have each other here. We are definitely due for a visit.
We now are going to do some additional testing to measure the size of the polyps and determine if they are in fact big enough to be hindering implantation. Once we have that information, we'll decide if we're going to remove them.
I think we'll remove them anyway. It seems to be the only logical thing that is keeping me from getting pregnant at this point.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
super sound...ultra un-sound
I am in love with March so far. I can't get over the weather. It is so freakin' nice! Today we were cruising around with the top down on the grape ape (she's our jeep wrangler, duh...we are a couple lesbians after all. You didn't think it was our camero did you?) soaking up the sun. We raked our yard, which is now currently the earliest we've ever been able to! I am feeling mentally well, emotionally fit, and physically happy. I am feeling sound for the first time in months.
Except for our ultrasound last Friday.
For the second time, we went in for an ultrasound to hunt down my little follicle eggies and see when I should trigger my ovulation with the Ovidrel injection. I wasn't really paying attention this time, sort of just chatting with the nurse while she quite literally 'probed' me with her probe. She mentioned some test, had I done it? I said no, I hadn't. The conversation continued.
Later that day when I got a voicemail from my doctor (not my nurse, red flag), I realized that the ultrasound lady saw something that morning (hence the reason she asked me about that test). The doctor said that there is a large cyst in my ovary that she was unsure of. Was it a follicle and not a cyst? Hard to tell. She sent me to get blood work to determine if it was in fact a huge ass egg. She also said there were two small polyps. All of this caught me off guard at the time. I don't really know much about either cysts or polyps. She said that we shouldn't hold off on our impending IUI, but that we should come in and discuss this with her. So, off I went to get stabbed again. Hard to believe I have any blood left at this point!
Blood work came back negative. Not an egg. The doctor had me wait until last night to do the Ovidrel. I am almost a pro now that I've injected myself twice. I joke and say that I could be a heroin addict now that I know how to do self-injections. My partner says I can't; we're too poor from all this non-baby-making to be doing heroin.
IUI #10 is tomorrow morning. As I sit here on the patio, enjoying the weather and catching a buzz off a single, fine, twisted tea, I think I'll be okay without the heroin.
Except for our ultrasound last Friday.
For the second time, we went in for an ultrasound to hunt down my little follicle eggies and see when I should trigger my ovulation with the Ovidrel injection. I wasn't really paying attention this time, sort of just chatting with the nurse while she quite literally 'probed' me with her probe. She mentioned some test, had I done it? I said no, I hadn't. The conversation continued.
Later that day when I got a voicemail from my doctor (not my nurse, red flag), I realized that the ultrasound lady saw something that morning (hence the reason she asked me about that test). The doctor said that there is a large cyst in my ovary that she was unsure of. Was it a follicle and not a cyst? Hard to tell. She sent me to get blood work to determine if it was in fact a huge ass egg. She also said there were two small polyps. All of this caught me off guard at the time. I don't really know much about either cysts or polyps. She said that we shouldn't hold off on our impending IUI, but that we should come in and discuss this with her. So, off I went to get stabbed again. Hard to believe I have any blood left at this point!
Blood work came back negative. Not an egg. The doctor had me wait until last night to do the Ovidrel. I am almost a pro now that I've injected myself twice. I joke and say that I could be a heroin addict now that I know how to do self-injections. My partner says I can't; we're too poor from all this non-baby-making to be doing heroin.
IUI #10 is tomorrow morning. As I sit here on the patio, enjoying the weather and catching a buzz off a single, fine, twisted tea, I think I'll be okay without the heroin.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Hard Days Night
Up until this point, I feel like I've been fairly optimistic about this whole process. Even though I get discouraged at times, I always jump back to being positive. The other day as I left work and headed to CVS to pick up my letrozole and ovidrel once again, something changed; my chest ached. I was disappointed, mad, frustrated. Why hasn't this worked? I was discouraged. Here we go again.
Wait, am I going to turn into that blogger? Crap.
Wait, am I going to turn into that blogger? Crap.
We've been to 9 unsuccessful IUI's to date, but we've been officially at it for one year this month. We took two months off during the concussion phase, and then another month off when we switched doctors and did the HSG. I think it's really hitting home this month since it's been a year of it now.
My therapist says that I should embody the new spring season and be aware of all the reproduction and births happening around me in nature. It's hard to do that when most of my outdoor time is spent speeding by nature on the highway; an hour and twenty minutes each way on a good day. I've been trying to look out my windshield and observe the trees...are they budding yet? But, it's getting dark by this point, and it seems to be distracting me from staying in my lane more than anything at this point.
As I pulled into the parking lot and went inside, I saw the same young guy behind the counter as always. He must always work the closing shift. He asked my name and got my prescriptions. As he put them down on the counter, he empathetically said 'still no luck?'
I paused, sort of questioning the fact that he was asking me such a personal question about the prescriptions I was picking up. Isn't that breaking some patient confidentiality law thingy?
'No, not yet.'
'My wife and I are trying to get pregnant too. She's taking Clomid, but I think we're going to do the trigger injections soon.' Now I understood.
'And how does she like the Clomid?'
'She hates it, horrible.'
'The letrozole is way better, no side effects at all. You guys should try it. How long have you been trying to get pregnant?'
'Six months. She just doesn't ovulate.' His face visibly sank. 'It's so hard.'
I agreed. He finished cashing me out (I was also picking up some very vogue nail polish I saw in some bridal magazine) and I said as cheerfully as possible, 'I hope I don't see you next month!' I wished him luck and went on my way.
He sort of changed my day with that short conversation. Here was this young man...I can only assume his wife is young as well...who saw me, a young woman, and just couldn't resist but to talk to somebody who would understand. I am so glad he broke whatever rules he broke. I don't even know his name, but I will be sure to stop in next month regardless and see how it's going.
My therapist says that I should embody the new spring season and be aware of all the reproduction and births happening around me in nature. It's hard to do that when most of my outdoor time is spent speeding by nature on the highway; an hour and twenty minutes each way on a good day. I've been trying to look out my windshield and observe the trees...are they budding yet? But, it's getting dark by this point, and it seems to be distracting me from staying in my lane more than anything at this point.
As I pulled into the parking lot and went inside, I saw the same young guy behind the counter as always. He must always work the closing shift. He asked my name and got my prescriptions. As he put them down on the counter, he empathetically said 'still no luck?'
I paused, sort of questioning the fact that he was asking me such a personal question about the prescriptions I was picking up. Isn't that breaking some patient confidentiality law thingy?
'No, not yet.'
'My wife and I are trying to get pregnant too. She's taking Clomid, but I think we're going to do the trigger injections soon.' Now I understood.
'And how does she like the Clomid?'
'She hates it, horrible.'
'The letrozole is way better, no side effects at all. You guys should try it. How long have you been trying to get pregnant?'
'Six months. She just doesn't ovulate.' His face visibly sank. 'It's so hard.'
I agreed. He finished cashing me out (I was also picking up some very vogue nail polish I saw in some bridal magazine) and I said as cheerfully as possible, 'I hope I don't see you next month!' I wished him luck and went on my way.
He sort of changed my day with that short conversation. Here was this young man...I can only assume his wife is young as well...who saw me, a young woman, and just couldn't resist but to talk to somebody who would understand. I am so glad he broke whatever rules he broke. I don't even know his name, but I will be sure to stop in next month regardless and see how it's going.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Love, Romance and the IUI, 8th edition.
Yesterday was IUI #8...and it only took me, my partner, and an army of nurses to make the magic happen.
You all know how much I love Clomid and can't wait to take more drugs, but what I didn't know was that by taking clomid and stimulating my ovaries, they were swelling up and pushing against my uterus making it harder for the nurses to insert the catheter up in there. Another reason to love clomid. Thirty minutes later with three nurses, speculum in, speculum out, fishing around up in there later, changing positions and pushing here, no try there, I am hopefully baking us a baby.
Nurse #1 was the same lady who did IUI #7. She adamantly tried her favorite catheter first, then her second favorite, and then her third favorite, the mac daddy catheter known as 'the rocket' (shouldn't anything known as 'the rocket' be the first choice???).
Nurse #2 was a newbe and mostly just stood back and observed and made weird comments like 'they should use the back seat of a car as the table since that's where couples always had the most success getting pregant in the 50's' and 'you know you can wear socks if your feet are cold' and 'when you come back next time, wear socks.' My parter was like 'next time? There won't be a next time, right!?' 'Oh,' nurse #2 says, 'you're not planning on having another [child]?" Weird...she didn't pay attention in that class apparantly.
'How ya doin', babe?'
'Fine.'
Nurse #3 had never helped us before, but I've spoken with her on the phone, so we were sort of familiar. She came in all confident, claiming that 'the rocket' is her go-to catheter. Rocket in hand, she fished and fished and finally, when she was just about to give up and go get a doctor, it worked. Now lay still for 10 minutes, think happy thoughts, and stare up at the florescent light with flowers and blue sky painted over it. Turn head, look at partner, and say 'get your butt over here and kiss me at least, will ya?' I love her so much.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
it's the most wonderful time of the year
Alrighty. Hope this doesn't get long-winded. There is a lot of crap to cover.
The vacation we took the first week of December was good. We went to Memphis to visit my partner's family. It was so nice to get away and see different faces and catch up with her brother's two kids. They are so freakin cute.....a little girl who's 2 1/2 and a little boy who's 10 months. Everything was great, except perhaps the last day of our trip when our THREE-leg plane ride was delayed TWICE. Let's just say this: by the last day of the trip, we're always ready to get home. Not just for sake of being home, but to get some of our own personal time as well. The 12+ hour day in the airport(s) included some agitation and nagging and probably too much eating and drinking, and we were both glad when it was over.
December is that time of the year when everyone you know (and some people that you forgot you know) sends you a photo card of their family. Could be a picture of their dogs or their flock of children. But really, we're not resentful......the Christmas Spirit never came to our house this year. No tree, no decorations, no cards, no nothing. It all stayed in the basement. One of my co-workers asked me which I disliked more, Christmas, or full-on wedding season. I quickly said Christmas. I am so bah-humbug right now that I don't even want to leave my ground-level workspace to ascend the lobby and see the decorations. Flip side, I could make bridal bouquets all day (and do in August).
My partner did surprise me with a little Christmas Eve dinner. I got home from work and there she was, laying it all out, Christmas music on, candles lit. It was a wonderful surprise.
On Christmas Day we went to my parent's house, which has become a rather regular thing. She calls it 'groundhog day' due to the regularity of not just the trip itself, but the whole experience. Same people, same food, same inter-family business. Oh, and many of the same gifts as regularly given each year. My sister was supposed to come with her husband and baby, but they couldn't make it. She is in the early stages of being pregnant again and having horrid morning sickness (she just announced this a few days ago). Although I would have enjoyed seeing my nephew, I am sort of okay with them staying home. Neither of us are in the mood for a full day of 'oh, I'm so excited for you.' Again, I am not resentful......just maybe a little bit disappointed that she calls me all excited and happy and barely asks me how my process is going.
But for some reason, the overall vibe of Christmas this year was a little different. On the car ride home, my partner said that she really enjoyed herself. There was no complaining about how we should have left hours ago or that someone drove her nuts. Instead, we talked about the good things that happened and funny things discussed during the day. Well, of course we covered the funny-bad things that were discussed as well, but you get my point. Overall, it was a different experience than usual.
And finally, after much waiting and anticipation, yesterday we went for IUI #7 (clomid this cycle). Lucky number 7. Our fav OB nurse was out yesterday, and her replacement was not, how should I say this, gentle. Ouchies in my hoo-haa. After my probing, we went out to dinner.....sushi for the last time for a while, right!? I had my last sips of booze for a while as well....gross, luke-warm sake. Memorable, truly.
The vacation we took the first week of December was good. We went to Memphis to visit my partner's family. It was so nice to get away and see different faces and catch up with her brother's two kids. They are so freakin cute.....a little girl who's 2 1/2 and a little boy who's 10 months. Everything was great, except perhaps the last day of our trip when our THREE-leg plane ride was delayed TWICE. Let's just say this: by the last day of the trip, we're always ready to get home. Not just for sake of being home, but to get some of our own personal time as well. The 12+ hour day in the airport(s) included some agitation and nagging and probably too much eating and drinking, and we were both glad when it was over.
December is that time of the year when everyone you know (and some people that you forgot you know) sends you a photo card of their family. Could be a picture of their dogs or their flock of children. But really, we're not resentful......the Christmas Spirit never came to our house this year. No tree, no decorations, no cards, no nothing. It all stayed in the basement. One of my co-workers asked me which I disliked more, Christmas, or full-on wedding season. I quickly said Christmas. I am so bah-humbug right now that I don't even want to leave my ground-level workspace to ascend the lobby and see the decorations. Flip side, I could make bridal bouquets all day (and do in August).
My partner did surprise me with a little Christmas Eve dinner. I got home from work and there she was, laying it all out, Christmas music on, candles lit. It was a wonderful surprise.
On Christmas Day we went to my parent's house, which has become a rather regular thing. She calls it 'groundhog day' due to the regularity of not just the trip itself, but the whole experience. Same people, same food, same inter-family business. Oh, and many of the same gifts as regularly given each year. My sister was supposed to come with her husband and baby, but they couldn't make it. She is in the early stages of being pregnant again and having horrid morning sickness (she just announced this a few days ago). Although I would have enjoyed seeing my nephew, I am sort of okay with them staying home. Neither of us are in the mood for a full day of 'oh, I'm so excited for you.' Again, I am not resentful......just maybe a little bit disappointed that she calls me all excited and happy and barely asks me how my process is going.
But for some reason, the overall vibe of Christmas this year was a little different. On the car ride home, my partner said that she really enjoyed herself. There was no complaining about how we should have left hours ago or that someone drove her nuts. Instead, we talked about the good things that happened and funny things discussed during the day. Well, of course we covered the funny-bad things that were discussed as well, but you get my point. Overall, it was a different experience than usual.
And finally, after much waiting and anticipation, yesterday we went for IUI #7 (clomid this cycle). Lucky number 7. Our fav OB nurse was out yesterday, and her replacement was not, how should I say this, gentle. Ouchies in my hoo-haa. After my probing, we went out to dinner.....sushi for the last time for a while, right!? I had my last sips of booze for a while as well....gross, luke-warm sake. Memorable, truly.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
We'll call this one 'The half-month wrap-up'
Well.....I hate this month. It's November and you ask, 'what's there to hate about November?' For starters, here in NH I'm shaking cold one minute and I'm sweating the next. My sinuses don't know what to expect. But what I hate most about November is Christmas. And again you say, 'But Christmas is in December.' Yes, yes it is. Welcome to my decorating nightmare. Since November 1st I've been Christmas decorating all over the resort. My deadline to finish is in two days....Turkey Day. I am still waist deep in boxes. This explains my lapse in blogging.
IUI #6 was once again negative. I can't say that I'm surprised given the crazy emotional roller coaster the past month has been. But, even in all the craziness, I ovulated and menstruated just like business as usual. So I guess in theory, I can't blame my bouts of anxiety.
We did go and see the other doctor. It was a bit like cheating, but it was a great experience. She is young, brilliant, and fresh out of school...and as we both decided, sort of hot which doesn't hurt. Well, our last doctor was an old dude, so....kidding....she was great. Her nurse, our new point-of-contact, is also great (*yes*). We are both so happy with this latest move. It's not that she brought to light new information that we'd yet to hear. Most of it was the same, but she had a way of talking with us and explaining things to us that felt personal.
I had to cancel my nutritionist appointment. But, the reason for that was because I scheduled a hysterosalpingogram (so happy to call this thing an HSG from this point forth) at the same time. This is a radiology test where they can see if there is any sort of blockage in your fallopian tubes or weirdness going on in your uterus. Essentially, they shoot iodine into your uterus and it swirls around and hopefully exits out your fallopian tubes. As I was getting ready for the big day, many people had warned me of the cramps. Let's just say that they were right. Holy crap. And for days following. And bloating. I have never been so bloated. I was so bloated that I think I could have stuck a pin in my abdomen and popped it like a balloon. Oh and lovely spotting (I really hate the word spotting) for days too. Fun stuff.
The HSG was fascinating to watch on the screen; sort of like a piece of black and white watercolor art coming to life. When it was done, the OB said that everything looked great. I knew it would be that way, but I feel so much better now that it's confirmed. So now we wait. We're not doing an IUI this month (I would be ovulating this weekend) to compensate for the cost of the HSG last week (total cost for test $3000. Our out of pocket cost, only about $400 with Anthem). Plus we're going on a much needed and deserved vacation in a week, and well, vacations cost money too.
IUI #6 was once again negative. I can't say that I'm surprised given the crazy emotional roller coaster the past month has been. But, even in all the craziness, I ovulated and menstruated just like business as usual. So I guess in theory, I can't blame my bouts of anxiety.
We did go and see the other doctor. It was a bit like cheating, but it was a great experience. She is young, brilliant, and fresh out of school...and as we both decided, sort of hot which doesn't hurt. Well, our last doctor was an old dude, so....kidding....she was great. Her nurse, our new point-of-contact, is also great (*yes*). We are both so happy with this latest move. It's not that she brought to light new information that we'd yet to hear. Most of it was the same, but she had a way of talking with us and explaining things to us that felt personal.
I had to cancel my nutritionist appointment. But, the reason for that was because I scheduled a hysterosalpingogram (so happy to call this thing an HSG from this point forth) at the same time. This is a radiology test where they can see if there is any sort of blockage in your fallopian tubes or weirdness going on in your uterus. Essentially, they shoot iodine into your uterus and it swirls around and hopefully exits out your fallopian tubes. As I was getting ready for the big day, many people had warned me of the cramps. Let's just say that they were right. Holy crap. And for days following. And bloating. I have never been so bloated. I was so bloated that I think I could have stuck a pin in my abdomen and popped it like a balloon. Oh and lovely spotting (I really hate the word spotting) for days too. Fun stuff.
The HSG was fascinating to watch on the screen; sort of like a piece of black and white watercolor art coming to life. When it was done, the OB said that everything looked great. I knew it would be that way, but I feel so much better now that it's confirmed. So now we wait. We're not doing an IUI this month (I would be ovulating this weekend) to compensate for the cost of the HSG last week (total cost for test $3000. Our out of pocket cost, only about $400 with Anthem). Plus we're going on a much needed and deserved vacation in a week, and well, vacations cost money too.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Diarrhea of the mouth
Since my last post, I've had a few outbursts of anxiety, but nothing that my partner and I couldn't work through in maybe 30 minutes max. I am starting to figure out that I can't go on keeping my feelings inside; I need to let them all out as they happen....which is startling to both myself and my partner....and my staff (those poor people who had no idea I had critiques stuck in my brain). I am a new, outspoken, positive AND negative woman with concerns and fears that are spewing out.
Let's see, what has happened lately that could remotely relate to making a baby.....
We went for our 6th IUI a week ago on Friday....less than a week more to wait. It was our first time with fabulous donor #345 from Midwest. He is a late-30's Phd who's field of study is biology. Our visit to Dartmouth was great. The same lady did our IUI again, and we had a nice, long chat about our journey to this point. She still thinks that it's odd that I haven't gotten pregnant yet, and since she's the one who looks in my hoo haa every time, I believe her. She said that we might want to get another doctor's opinion about our experience and had a great recommendation for a young woman fresh out of school at their Concord location. We have an appointment with her on Tuesday this week. I am sort of excited to hear another doctor's opinion, but honestly, I think she's going to tell us the same thing....we have to be patient.
I had an appointment with my PCP about the anxiety. She sensed that I crave information about what's going on in my body, so she recommended that I go and see a nutritionist. The appointment is later this month. I am REALLY excited about this appointment. I have always been fascinated by what we eat and how it affects our bodies and I can't wait to ask her all sorts of questions about what I should be eating while trying to get pregnant and beyond. I am so fascinated by nutrition that it was going to be my focus for getting my masters degree...but then the flower thing came along and the rest is history. Oh, by the way, I just ate a huge piece of cake for breakfast. Thank God birthday week is almost over and that cake is almost gone. *sigh* at least I recognize my faults.
Let's see, what has happened lately that could remotely relate to making a baby.....
We went for our 6th IUI a week ago on Friday....less than a week more to wait. It was our first time with fabulous donor #345 from Midwest. He is a late-30's Phd who's field of study is biology. Our visit to Dartmouth was great. The same lady did our IUI again, and we had a nice, long chat about our journey to this point. She still thinks that it's odd that I haven't gotten pregnant yet, and since she's the one who looks in my hoo haa every time, I believe her. She said that we might want to get another doctor's opinion about our experience and had a great recommendation for a young woman fresh out of school at their Concord location. We have an appointment with her on Tuesday this week. I am sort of excited to hear another doctor's opinion, but honestly, I think she's going to tell us the same thing....we have to be patient.
I had an appointment with my PCP about the anxiety. She sensed that I crave information about what's going on in my body, so she recommended that I go and see a nutritionist. The appointment is later this month. I am REALLY excited about this appointment. I have always been fascinated by what we eat and how it affects our bodies and I can't wait to ask her all sorts of questions about what I should be eating while trying to get pregnant and beyond. I am so fascinated by nutrition that it was going to be my focus for getting my masters degree...but then the flower thing came along and the rest is history. Oh, by the way, I just ate a huge piece of cake for breakfast. Thank God birthday week is almost over and that cake is almost gone. *sigh* at least I recognize my faults.
Monday, October 24, 2011
The view from here
We're almost to a point where we can smile when we think about Jack. Our other cat, Boomer, has had a few random flash backs where you can tell he's re-living that night...sort of like kitty-deja vou. Our dog, Ali, hurt her back in a big scuff on the stairs that night. She's been gimping around ever since. Finally this morning, she's almost back to normal. Life is almost back to normal, but there will always be the memories.
Today is day 11 in my cycle and we are ready to move forward with our next IUI. We have purchased our new sperm from Midwest SB and he should be landing in Hanover tomorrow. This donor is also handsome and well-educated, just like the others. He has a PhD in molecular biology (wow, and I just play with flowers. And you could say that my partner just 'draws'. Crazy smart.) According to the receptionist I spoke with, he resembles Andre Agassi. Okay, not bad, but I suppose not amazing either, not that I'm very picky at this point! He stood out from the pack in the donor catalogue, but my partner had some doubts. As we read through his long profile (free people, free...love it) we enjoyed all of his responses but noticed he left some blank. One that he left blank was regarding illegal drugs. They had a chart for you to check 'yes' or 'no' on all of the most popular drugs. He checked 'no' on everything except one. POT. I suppose we should be happy that he's not a crack or heroin addict. But my partner, being neurotic, says that since he left it blank, he must smoke pot and therefore has a reduced sperm count so he just wont do. I agree that he's probably a stoner, but according to the same receptionist, he had twins lately, so I'm fine with that. He's obviously relaxed. Bring it on.
My birthday is next week......happy baby to me?
I'm off to renew my driver's licence.
Today is day 11 in my cycle and we are ready to move forward with our next IUI. We have purchased our new sperm from Midwest SB and he should be landing in Hanover tomorrow. This donor is also handsome and well-educated, just like the others. He has a PhD in molecular biology (wow, and I just play with flowers. And you could say that my partner just 'draws'. Crazy smart.) According to the receptionist I spoke with, he resembles Andre Agassi. Okay, not bad, but I suppose not amazing either, not that I'm very picky at this point! He stood out from the pack in the donor catalogue, but my partner had some doubts. As we read through his long profile (free people, free...love it) we enjoyed all of his responses but noticed he left some blank. One that he left blank was regarding illegal drugs. They had a chart for you to check 'yes' or 'no' on all of the most popular drugs. He checked 'no' on everything except one. POT. I suppose we should be happy that he's not a crack or heroin addict. But my partner, being neurotic, says that since he left it blank, he must smoke pot and therefore has a reduced sperm count so he just wont do. I agree that he's probably a stoner, but according to the same receptionist, he had twins lately, so I'm fine with that. He's obviously relaxed. Bring it on.
My birthday is next week......happy baby to me?
I'm off to renew my driver's licence.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Our prescription: Patience.
There is something to be said about patience and my partner's lack there of. All good things come in due time. What goes around comes around. There's no use crying over spilled milk.
She prefers: The early bird gets the worm. You get what you pay for.
It is a challenging dynamic that we work together on daily in every aspect of our lives. I tend to be the more patient, laid-back half while she paces and strategizes about our next career/life moves. This is not always an easy combination of personalities. I will get angry and say that she is too neurotic and needs to calm down and appreciate the moment, while she will get bitter and say that I'm not proactive and I don't care enough.
I love grocery shopping, but not with her. I love walking down the aisles and picking up packages, reading the labels, thinking about what I could make and interesting flavor combinations. She, on the other hand, cannot stand the thought of being there in the chaos of Sunday afternoon and speed walks the length of the store, iPhone in hand with list. And then, when we're almost to the other end of the store, she'll say something like, 'I forgot the salsa. You take the cart and get in line and I'll meet you there,' as if beating the other people in the store who are just racing to the checkout was a matter of life or death.
This is not to say that I am perfect in my laxidasical approach to life. I would much rather relax in the morning on my days off, leaving any and all errands and tasks for the afternoon. Problem with that? I run out of time. By the time dinner rolls around, I'm still running about taking care of whatever it is that I should have finished already. My tasks run into the evening sometimes....all because I spent too much time drinking coffee, facebooking or blogging or talk-show watching. Why don't I do my errands and tasks first so I can be done with everything earlier?
Let's bring it back to baby-making. I try very hard to be optimistic and respect the fact that this is a process. She wants a baby now. We've done everything right. Why is it taking so long?
As we walked to our car following the doctor's appointment last week, I couldn't help feeling like a total moron. There I was with a crazy long list of questions and his response to many of them the same: be patient, it will take time. The false positive pregnancy test he said was nothing more than a faulty kit and it could've happened to anyone (why the hell our nurse contact couldn't tell us that, I don't know). Clomid has many side effects, some of which could actually be detrimental to baby-making (like reduced cervical mucus and a not-so-great uterine lining), so as a healthy woman who is ovulating regularly, it may not be helping (again, really? Contact couldn't tell us this?). The average heterosexual couple trying to get pregnant naturally has about a 25% chance of acheiving pregnancy in the average month. A couple using frozen sperm has about a 10% chance in an average month (and again, are you kidding me? Is our contact actually a registered nurse?). He gave us a better sense of the next stages of our journey: we'll do one more IUI without any drugs (for a total now of 6 attempts). If we don't get pregnant this time, we will do up to 4 more IUI's with either Clomid or Letrozole. If after that we're not pregnant, we'll consider IVF.
If nothing else, all of our somewhat simple questions were finally answered instead of skirted and avoided. Another tank of gas and a half day of work bites the dust. An email would have sufficed.
My period should start sometime in the next couple days. For the next two weeks, I am drinking coffee and relaxing for as much of that time as possible. Oh, and thinking proactively, for my partner's sake.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Dizzy......Seriously, again?
Needless to say we can't wait until this Friday to take a pregnancy test (and yes, we both agree that we will test on Friday morning). The past several days of our unknown pregnancy state have been exciting. I feel as though I may have had some noticeable symptoms for the first time since IUI #1. They come and go, but I can't help but be a bit more optimistic than usual.
'Usual' is defined as follows:
Day of IUI: Smiles and happiness. Cup overflowing.
Day 3 or 4 after IUI: Optimism. This might be the one!
Day 8 or 9 after IUI: Neutral. No emotion one way or another. If it's meant to happen it will.
Day 12 or 13 after IUI: Pessimism. Cramps. PMS. Bloating. Mentally preparing an awesome martini.
As you can see, I am in day 8 to 9 post-IUI, but am still in the optimistic stage. Truly a rarity. Potentially a devastating one.
Dizziness. As I laid on our couch the other night trying to shake the spins, the first thought that came into my head was, 'what the hell did I hit my head on this time?' After I was able to negate that option, pregnancy was my second thought. Achy boobs, weird dizziness, nausea, ridiculous thirstiness, oh and strangest of all, a lack of interest in my favorite morning/afternoon/border-line all day food, coffee. Sort of tastes nasty these days.....but who's keeping track of these silly things anyway, right? Maybe I'm just dehydrated. Same symptoms..... !!!!!! Coo-coo crazy.
Regardless, we're thinking proactively about the potential of a sixth IUI. We're trying to decide if we would initiate intertility tests a little early (our provider has stated several times that they typically wait six full, unsuccesful cycles before any testing, but ever since we've decided to take charge of my health care, it seems as though they are willing to test early). We're also trying to decide if we would switch sperm banks. We literally are paying a premium for sperm with California Cryobank. And since I now know that all sperm is governed by the same entity and processed under the same guidelines, ALL SPERM IS actually EQUAL. Half the cost elsewhere, and apparantly high price hasn't produced high results as of yet.
IUI #5 is hopefully the one. This will be the first time that I am emotionally crushed if it isn't. Bracing for impact (with fingers and toes crossed)!!!!
'Usual' is defined as follows:
Day of IUI: Smiles and happiness. Cup overflowing.
Day 3 or 4 after IUI: Optimism. This might be the one!
Day 8 or 9 after IUI: Neutral. No emotion one way or another. If it's meant to happen it will.
Day 12 or 13 after IUI: Pessimism. Cramps. PMS. Bloating. Mentally preparing an awesome martini.
As you can see, I am in day 8 to 9 post-IUI, but am still in the optimistic stage. Truly a rarity. Potentially a devastating one.
Dizziness. As I laid on our couch the other night trying to shake the spins, the first thought that came into my head was, 'what the hell did I hit my head on this time?' After I was able to negate that option, pregnancy was my second thought. Achy boobs, weird dizziness, nausea, ridiculous thirstiness, oh and strangest of all, a lack of interest in my favorite morning/afternoon/border-line all day food, coffee. Sort of tastes nasty these days.....but who's keeping track of these silly things anyway, right? Maybe I'm just dehydrated. Same symptoms..... !!!!!! Coo-coo crazy.
Regardless, we're thinking proactively about the potential of a sixth IUI. We're trying to decide if we would initiate intertility tests a little early (our provider has stated several times that they typically wait six full, unsuccesful cycles before any testing, but ever since we've decided to take charge of my health care, it seems as though they are willing to test early). We're also trying to decide if we would switch sperm banks. We literally are paying a premium for sperm with California Cryobank. And since I now know that all sperm is governed by the same entity and processed under the same guidelines, ALL SPERM IS actually EQUAL. Half the cost elsewhere, and apparantly high price hasn't produced high results as of yet.
IUI #5 is hopefully the one. This will be the first time that I am emotionally crushed if it isn't. Bracing for impact (with fingers and toes crossed)!!!!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Taking Charge of your Fertility
I have no idea what to think this morning. It is the third day after our IUI and I am just simply enjoying a very normal, average Sunday morning of CBS news programs with no sense of anything funny happening down there. We've decided that this fifth IUI is a very pivotal point in our quest as hopefully preggo lesbos. This is a mildly expensive process, and we're wondering how much more we can truly afford.
It has been recommended to me that we check out a book that specializes in fertility for both trying to get pregnant and trying to avoid pregnancy. Taking Charge of your Fertility, by Toni Weschler, MPH, is a guide to charting your cycle and understanding the individual points in each person's cycle that pregnancy can be both achieved and avoided. I've also discovered that the author has a website with forums and blogs and online charting options at www.tcoyf.com. The website seems to be basic, but has information about the book and a downloadable pdf chart that you can use if you'd like to manually chart. I had trouble getting to the part of the site where I can chart online and share my results with the world; wouldn't let me create an account. I may check back later since charting manually sounds horrid to me.
I'm not sure I want to buy the book because it seems as though I already have a stack of books about a man and a woman creating life and none have been inspirational. The sample charts on the website show a space to make note of the days in your cycle that you have sex with your partner. Some of the samples showed 5 or 6 days in a row of sex. THAT hasn't happened in my life in years!!! HA!!! I'll have to get on my partner about this. My challenge with charting is that we only have one chance each cycle, not 5 or 6, so it really is imperative that we get our timing right every month. After looking at the sample charts, I am wondering if we could really narrow our chances down further by charting. I do think that it is worth a shot. Instead of us being able to narrow it down to two days of ovulation with our digital tinkle test, we might be able to narrow it down to 12 or 24 hours of peak-ovulation. Definitely worth a try.
We decided to go on our second day of ovulation this cycle for the first time. Perhaps the second-day method will work! I plan on charting if we need to try again.
It has been recommended to me that we check out a book that specializes in fertility for both trying to get pregnant and trying to avoid pregnancy. Taking Charge of your Fertility, by Toni Weschler, MPH, is a guide to charting your cycle and understanding the individual points in each person's cycle that pregnancy can be both achieved and avoided. I've also discovered that the author has a website with forums and blogs and online charting options at www.tcoyf.com. The website seems to be basic, but has information about the book and a downloadable pdf chart that you can use if you'd like to manually chart. I had trouble getting to the part of the site where I can chart online and share my results with the world; wouldn't let me create an account. I may check back later since charting manually sounds horrid to me.
I'm not sure I want to buy the book because it seems as though I already have a stack of books about a man and a woman creating life and none have been inspirational. The sample charts on the website show a space to make note of the days in your cycle that you have sex with your partner. Some of the samples showed 5 or 6 days in a row of sex. THAT hasn't happened in my life in years!!! HA!!! I'll have to get on my partner about this. My challenge with charting is that we only have one chance each cycle, not 5 or 6, so it really is imperative that we get our timing right every month. After looking at the sample charts, I am wondering if we could really narrow our chances down further by charting. I do think that it is worth a shot. Instead of us being able to narrow it down to two days of ovulation with our digital tinkle test, we might be able to narrow it down to 12 or 24 hours of peak-ovulation. Definitely worth a try.
We decided to go on our second day of ovulation this cycle for the first time. Perhaps the second-day method will work! I plan on charting if we need to try again.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Say my name, what's my name?
You know you're in a normal, committed, lesbian relationship when you and your partner get into an argument about what you're going to be called as parents. But really, who gets to claim 'Mom' or 'Mommy'? How do you figure this out? Knock-down blow out, that's the healthy way.... hahahha.
Yesterday we went for our fifth IUI. We are very hopeful, as usual, but maybe a bit more this time since we introduced Clomid to my cycle. I am still ridiculously bloated, and after mentioning that to our fave IUI lady, she said that changes in my cycle would be totally normal. She said that it may even effect the length of my cycle, severity of cramps, etc. Information is so helpful. I could get used to this.
Later that night, as we watched TV and zoned out the days crazy events and discussed our treks all over the state of New Hampshire, we would occasionally pause and look into each other's eyes and hold hands and just think happy thoughts.
It was my mistake to say during one of these moment's of silence as I looked longingly into her eyes, 'What are we going to call you?'
She immediately responded, 'What do you mean, what are WE going to call YOU? What, are you and the baby going to come up with some name for me?'
'No, I mean what are you and I going to call each other?'
'I am not going to be called something stupid like 'Momma S' like 'Momma B' on the L Word. We are in this together 50/50.'
'That's not what I mean. Of course we're in this together.'
'So just because you're the one giving birth, you get to be called 'Mom'? The baby will come up with what it's going to call us.'
I was getting what I call 'bug eye' from her through our whole 'conversation'. Bug eye is this great expression she has that is totally glaring. I know when I get 'bug eye' that I am in trouble....It is challenging for both of us because this whole process is so sterile and clinical, but perhaps more so for her because she is not the one carrying. I think we resolved to let names and titles develop in due time. I just hope the kid comes up with something good. I don't want to be called 'MooMa' or 'DoDa' for the rest of my parenting life.....maybe for just the first few years.
Yesterday we went for our fifth IUI. We are very hopeful, as usual, but maybe a bit more this time since we introduced Clomid to my cycle. I am still ridiculously bloated, and after mentioning that to our fave IUI lady, she said that changes in my cycle would be totally normal. She said that it may even effect the length of my cycle, severity of cramps, etc. Information is so helpful. I could get used to this.
Later that night, as we watched TV and zoned out the days crazy events and discussed our treks all over the state of New Hampshire, we would occasionally pause and look into each other's eyes and hold hands and just think happy thoughts.
It was my mistake to say during one of these moment's of silence as I looked longingly into her eyes, 'What are we going to call you?'
She immediately responded, 'What do you mean, what are WE going to call YOU? What, are you and the baby going to come up with some name for me?'
'No, I mean what are you and I going to call each other?'
'I am not going to be called something stupid like 'Momma S' like 'Momma B' on the L Word. We are in this together 50/50.'
'That's not what I mean. Of course we're in this together.'
'So just because you're the one giving birth, you get to be called 'Mom'? The baby will come up with what it's going to call us.'
I was getting what I call 'bug eye' from her through our whole 'conversation'. Bug eye is this great expression she has that is totally glaring. I know when I get 'bug eye' that I am in trouble....It is challenging for both of us because this whole process is so sterile and clinical, but perhaps more so for her because she is not the one carrying. I think we resolved to let names and titles develop in due time. I just hope the kid comes up with something good. I don't want to be called 'MooMa' or 'DoDa' for the rest of my parenting life.....maybe for just the first few years.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Researching chlamydia.....I mean Clomid
My partner has a special language all her own that I've learned to translate into English over the years. She comes out with some crazy things, but my latest favorite is the chlamydia/Clomid thing. So funny. Our conversation yesterday morning started out with her asking, 'How do we learn more about chlamydia?' My immediate, sarcastic response was that 'I should start by having some very promiscuous sex with a prostitute'....followed by our ridiculous laughter. But I digress....LOL
CLOMID is a very popular drug for stimulating ovulation, the most popular according to a few websites I visited while researching. It is a pill that you would take for five days starting somewhere between the 5th and 10th day of your cycle depending on the recommendation of your doctor. It is the perfect drug for those who don't have any physically detrimental conditions that could lead to infertility such as blocked fallopian tubes, cysts or....hehe.....STDs. Clomid seems to be fairly safe with side effects that last for perhaps only the five days you're taking it and include nausea primarily....(ladies, if you have different experiences, please feel free to comment. I'd love to hear them.) One main side effect of clomid is multiples. One in ten births is twins with only 30% of those being identical....which mean multiple eggies being released at once!! There are chances for more than two, but they are more like 1 in 100 or greater.
Even though we've only been through four inseminations, and we don't know if were pregnant yet with this one, we're considering using Clomid for our next cycle....if we're not pregnant right now!! Our doctor has recommended that we wait until we've gone through six unsuccessful attempts before testing for infertility and taking further steps. After all, a healthy woman would have a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy each month, meaning that I still am a normal woman here in my fourth attempt. However, it is Elizabeth, the nurse who's helped us with so many inseminations, that has encouraged us to ask to move forward with Clomid a bit earlier than originally discussed. I have sent out my emails questioning our next move to our point of contact at Dartmouth and are just now waiting to hear what the word is.
Pregnancy tinkle test on Thursday.... :-)
CLOMID is a very popular drug for stimulating ovulation, the most popular according to a few websites I visited while researching. It is a pill that you would take for five days starting somewhere between the 5th and 10th day of your cycle depending on the recommendation of your doctor. It is the perfect drug for those who don't have any physically detrimental conditions that could lead to infertility such as blocked fallopian tubes, cysts or....hehe.....STDs. Clomid seems to be fairly safe with side effects that last for perhaps only the five days you're taking it and include nausea primarily....(ladies, if you have different experiences, please feel free to comment. I'd love to hear them.) One main side effect of clomid is multiples. One in ten births is twins with only 30% of those being identical....which mean multiple eggies being released at once!! There are chances for more than two, but they are more like 1 in 100 or greater.
Even though we've only been through four inseminations, and we don't know if were pregnant yet with this one, we're considering using Clomid for our next cycle....if we're not pregnant right now!! Our doctor has recommended that we wait until we've gone through six unsuccessful attempts before testing for infertility and taking further steps. After all, a healthy woman would have a 1 in 4 chance of pregnancy each month, meaning that I still am a normal woman here in my fourth attempt. However, it is Elizabeth, the nurse who's helped us with so many inseminations, that has encouraged us to ask to move forward with Clomid a bit earlier than originally discussed. I have sent out my emails questioning our next move to our point of contact at Dartmouth and are just now waiting to hear what the word is.
Pregnancy tinkle test on Thursday.... :-)
Friday, August 12, 2011
Life is so frickin' busy.
Well, if I were you, I'd be very upset with me. I've dedicated no time at all to sharing our latest day-to-day baby making journeys. Essentially, I've gotten up at O'Dark-Hundred, gone to work, worked my ass off, come home in the dark, eaten, maybe watched some stupid summer TV reality show (seriously bachelorette, give me a break) and gone to bed only to get up and do it again the next day. I suppose, they say you have to make hay in the sunshine, right? Well if that's the case, I think I have heat exhaustion.
So..... baby making...... right.
We went for our fourth IUI last Thursday, which was amazing timing for my crazy weekend schedule with weddings at the hotel. We've had only two different people do the procedure with us this whole time: Elizabeth, who has helped us with our first, second and fourth IUI, and Katy, who has been our main point of contact as well as helped us with our third IUI. Elizabeth is that quintessential nurse OB figure; middle-aged, a little overweight, shoulder-length wavy chestnut hair, very pleasant, and loves to chat about what's going on inside your hoo-haa. We did in fact decide to switch sperm donors for this go, which was a good idea, especially when Elizabeth comes in the room after looking at the sample under a microscope and announces that 'this one is a keeper. It looks like this sample could be fresh not frozen!!'
Ah yes, our new donor is still from California Cryobank. I feel as though I've cheated on our original donor simply because he couldn't get the job done. Very shallow of me. LOL. He is some sort of genius rocket scientist with a PhD.....my partner would have nothing less. I'm not sure he's as handsome as the first donor could have been, but I suppose we might just find out.
So our sperm sample was superlative and according to Elizabeth my hoo-haa was as well. Every time I say, 'Elizabeth, you tell that to everyone,' but she claims not to. So why hasn't it worked yet!!??
So..... baby making...... right.
We went for our fourth IUI last Thursday, which was amazing timing for my crazy weekend schedule with weddings at the hotel. We've had only two different people do the procedure with us this whole time: Elizabeth, who has helped us with our first, second and fourth IUI, and Katy, who has been our main point of contact as well as helped us with our third IUI. Elizabeth is that quintessential nurse OB figure; middle-aged, a little overweight, shoulder-length wavy chestnut hair, very pleasant, and loves to chat about what's going on inside your hoo-haa. We did in fact decide to switch sperm donors for this go, which was a good idea, especially when Elizabeth comes in the room after looking at the sample under a microscope and announces that 'this one is a keeper. It looks like this sample could be fresh not frozen!!'
Ah yes, our new donor is still from California Cryobank. I feel as though I've cheated on our original donor simply because he couldn't get the job done. Very shallow of me. LOL. He is some sort of genius rocket scientist with a PhD.....my partner would have nothing less. I'm not sure he's as handsome as the first donor could have been, but I suppose we might just find out.
So our sperm sample was superlative and according to Elizabeth my hoo-haa was as well. Every time I say, 'Elizabeth, you tell that to everyone,' but she claims not to. So why hasn't it worked yet!!??
Monday, July 25, 2011
Not all sperm is created equal.
Today is day 3 of my cycle. We'll probably buy our sperm today. However, all weekend we've been thinking about switching our donor.
Somehow, I feel as though it shouldn't really make a big difference. We're getting our sperm from California Cryobank, which is not exactly an un-known sperm bank. Shouldn't all of their sperm be equally suitable for pregnancy? Back in the very beginning when we were talking with our doctor about when we should be getting concerned and start taking further steps to get pregnant, he said that we should get through 6 months of unsuccessful insemination's before freaking out. So far we've only been three, but for those of you who know my partner, that's long enough. LOL.
On my to-do list today is a phone call to our primary contact nurse at Dartmouth. She will have more info on this. I feel as though I've heard from somewhere that some sperm might not 'jive' with every egg. Is this true? Maybe I just need a different California surfer boy grad student. Back to the short list for inspiration.
Somehow, I feel as though it shouldn't really make a big difference. We're getting our sperm from California Cryobank, which is not exactly an un-known sperm bank. Shouldn't all of their sperm be equally suitable for pregnancy? Back in the very beginning when we were talking with our doctor about when we should be getting concerned and start taking further steps to get pregnant, he said that we should get through 6 months of unsuccessful insemination's before freaking out. So far we've only been three, but for those of you who know my partner, that's long enough. LOL.
On my to-do list today is a phone call to our primary contact nurse at Dartmouth. She will have more info on this. I feel as though I've heard from somewhere that some sperm might not 'jive' with every egg. Is this true? Maybe I just need a different California surfer boy grad student. Back to the short list for inspiration.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
What do you do to pass the time? Drink.
Finally, after a several moments of tension and concern, my little eggies appeared and we went to Dartmouth. Today is Sunday and we will test for pregnancy on Thursday this week. It was my first visit to the hospital without my partner. She was so busy that day at work that there was no chance of her getting away for the afternoon. It was OK, especially because the nurse who performed the insemination was our main point-of-contact. We laughed about the craziness of the concussion, and it was just fine to be there alone.
Today is the FIFA finals and I will be watching my TV girlfriend Abby Wambach. I'm going to be preparing my first mocktail that sounds much more exciting than just juice with seltzer. It's fresh watermelon, lime juice and mint with seltzer as recommended by my friend and soon-to-be hopefully preggo lesbo. Sounds very refreshing...I will report back.
I will say this: I have a very good feeling about this one. The first insemination I wasn't really emotionally ready. The second insemination I wasn't really physically ready. But this time, I am both. Let's do this.
Today is the FIFA finals and I will be watching my TV girlfriend Abby Wambach. I'm going to be preparing my first mocktail that sounds much more exciting than just juice with seltzer. It's fresh watermelon, lime juice and mint with seltzer as recommended by my friend and soon-to-be hopefully preggo lesbo. Sounds very refreshing...I will report back.
I will say this: I have a very good feeling about this one. The first insemination I wasn't really emotionally ready. The second insemination I wasn't really physically ready. But this time, I am both. Let's do this.
Monday, May 9, 2011
We are going to wait for ONE month....
After much discussion, we've decided to hold off on the IUI this month and wait until next month to see how the concussion is progressing. I am on a couple of prescriptions now and the acupuncture is really helpful; I just need to see how I feel in a month's time.
Acupuncture: I urge you all to go for any and all reasons. Anything that hurts, aches, twinges, whatever, they can help. I've only been twice and going again today, but with each visit, I have felt almost imediate differences. As for the drugs, I have Celebrex for daily use and Tylenol with codine for use when I get headaches. Excelent. Most of the time, they work pretty well.
The neurologist says that I have a labrynth concussion, meaning that the injury is in my inner ear, which is why I am so dizzy and nausous. I'd say that there are good days and bad days with the dizzy/nausous. And I am so exhausted from working this past 'holiday' week, that I am only making it worse. I called my sister yesterday to wish her happy Mother's Day, and she agreed that I probably didn't want to feel twice as dizzy and nausous if I were to get pregnant.....I am totally on board with that. Plus I really don't want to confuse the symptoms; I want to know exactly why I feel a certain way.
Before I turn this blog into a concussion blog, I will sign off. Baby making will hopefully commense again in about one month. Until then..... :-(
Acupuncture: I urge you all to go for any and all reasons. Anything that hurts, aches, twinges, whatever, they can help. I've only been twice and going again today, but with each visit, I have felt almost imediate differences. As for the drugs, I have Celebrex for daily use and Tylenol with codine for use when I get headaches. Excelent. Most of the time, they work pretty well.
The neurologist says that I have a labrynth concussion, meaning that the injury is in my inner ear, which is why I am so dizzy and nausous. I'd say that there are good days and bad days with the dizzy/nausous. And I am so exhausted from working this past 'holiday' week, that I am only making it worse. I called my sister yesterday to wish her happy Mother's Day, and she agreed that I probably didn't want to feel twice as dizzy and nausous if I were to get pregnant.....I am totally on board with that. Plus I really don't want to confuse the symptoms; I want to know exactly why I feel a certain way.
Before I turn this blog into a concussion blog, I will sign off. Baby making will hopefully commense again in about one month. Until then..... :-(
Thursday, April 14, 2011
PSA #1: Watch out for metal pipes.
Today was IUI #2!! Very exciting. Back to stage one again and I'm feeling very good about it. But that is not to say it's been an uneventful two weeks since my last post. Definitely not...
On day one of my cycle, exactly two weeks ago, I found myself at work. It was a normal morning of doing my rounds and checking things. At about 8:45am I walked my head into a metal steam pipe while blindly turning around in a circle, one of many exposed pipes around the old hotel. At first, the only thing I felt was a headache...to be expected I guess after hitting your head, right? At noon I had a meeting. As I sat there, severe ringing in my head got louder and louder. But it seemed to pass. By 4:30 I started having really bad dizziness and nausea, and at one point I almost passed out. I was having a hard time forming a sentence; words just wouldn't come out easily. That is when I knew something worse had happened; I had got a concussion.
I drove home without going to the hospital right away. My initial thought was to wait a bit longer; I wasn't having the 'severe' concussion symptoms I had read about online. After much thought, I decided to wait until Monday (naturally these things happen on Friday's, right??) and go to see my PCP for a check-up.
I worked through the weekend which proved to be interesting. Confusion, difficulty focusing, nausea, dizziness, blah, blah, all of it. By the time Monday rolled around I asked the HR department how I go about this workers comp thing and they sent me to their preferred physician instead of my PCP. It was good to finally go to a doctor, but the woman made me very anxious about what was happening with lots of information I couldn't focus on and lots of situations that could happen in the upcoming days. It was so much that I experienced a huge panic attack while I was driving home and actually called 911 from the road. Never in my life have I ever had such uncontrollable fear. I spent a few hours in the hospital, where they finally did a CT scan and gave me something to control the nausea and anxiety. The test came back negative, providing me some relief. My poor partner drove all the way to the north country to get me and bring me home. I then stayed home for two days on the couch calming down and resting.
At my follow-up with the doctor, I expressed my concerns about how the concussion would effect our efforts towards pregnancy. She reassured me that physically it shouldn't make any difference. It wouldn't reduce the probability of pregnancy or effect the outcome of the health of the hopeful baby. However, I may still feel the effects of the concussion for weeks, perhaps months. She encouraged me to continue IUI's as long as I felt emotionally up to it. After all, stress will definitely effect the outcome and perhaps make it more difficult to conceive.
Last night I had a huge dizzy spell, one much bigger than any of the others of recent. As I layed in bed unable to close my eyes because of the bed spins, I thought that maybe tomorrow would be the day I got the smiley face on the ovulation kit. Was I ready to continue? In a month or two, will I be confusing symptoms of pregnancy with my concussion symptoms?
Today is a better day. Not so dizzy, not so nauseous. And maybe pregnant.
On day one of my cycle, exactly two weeks ago, I found myself at work. It was a normal morning of doing my rounds and checking things. At about 8:45am I walked my head into a metal steam pipe while blindly turning around in a circle, one of many exposed pipes around the old hotel. At first, the only thing I felt was a headache...to be expected I guess after hitting your head, right? At noon I had a meeting. As I sat there, severe ringing in my head got louder and louder. But it seemed to pass. By 4:30 I started having really bad dizziness and nausea, and at one point I almost passed out. I was having a hard time forming a sentence; words just wouldn't come out easily. That is when I knew something worse had happened; I had got a concussion.
I drove home without going to the hospital right away. My initial thought was to wait a bit longer; I wasn't having the 'severe' concussion symptoms I had read about online. After much thought, I decided to wait until Monday (naturally these things happen on Friday's, right??) and go to see my PCP for a check-up.
I worked through the weekend which proved to be interesting. Confusion, difficulty focusing, nausea, dizziness, blah, blah, all of it. By the time Monday rolled around I asked the HR department how I go about this workers comp thing and they sent me to their preferred physician instead of my PCP. It was good to finally go to a doctor, but the woman made me very anxious about what was happening with lots of information I couldn't focus on and lots of situations that could happen in the upcoming days. It was so much that I experienced a huge panic attack while I was driving home and actually called 911 from the road. Never in my life have I ever had such uncontrollable fear. I spent a few hours in the hospital, where they finally did a CT scan and gave me something to control the nausea and anxiety. The test came back negative, providing me some relief. My poor partner drove all the way to the north country to get me and bring me home. I then stayed home for two days on the couch calming down and resting.
At my follow-up with the doctor, I expressed my concerns about how the concussion would effect our efforts towards pregnancy. She reassured me that physically it shouldn't make any difference. It wouldn't reduce the probability of pregnancy or effect the outcome of the health of the hopeful baby. However, I may still feel the effects of the concussion for weeks, perhaps months. She encouraged me to continue IUI's as long as I felt emotionally up to it. After all, stress will definitely effect the outcome and perhaps make it more difficult to conceive.
Last night I had a huge dizzy spell, one much bigger than any of the others of recent. As I layed in bed unable to close my eyes because of the bed spins, I thought that maybe tomorrow would be the day I got the smiley face on the ovulation kit. Was I ready to continue? In a month or two, will I be confusing symptoms of pregnancy with my concussion symptoms?
Today is a better day. Not so dizzy, not so nauseous. And maybe pregnant.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
No really, it's fine, we're going to try again.
I feel as though I've spent the past days since the test explaining how making babies works to very successful parents. Seriously people, chill out.
We took our pregnancy test on Wednesday. Even though the instructions say to wait 3 minutes for results, it only took that tiny digital screen about one minute to produce a 'not pregnant' reading. After the initial shock wore off, (it is shocking simply staring at a piece of plastic that you just pee'd on at a flashing hour glass symbol for an undisclosed amount of time and then BAM! a result appears,) we sat in the bathroom trying to pump ourselves up for next month. There were statements like 'Oh, I knew we wouldn't get pregnant on the first try,' and 'How could we have been so lucky as to only have to do this once?' But ultimately, our doctor and nurses told us that the majority of people in my category (under 30...) and my health (average body build, average excercize patterns...sometimes) usually get pregnant on the second or third try. We've been reminding ourselves of that for the past couple days now.
I know this sounds awful, but I had an amazing martini later that night. Well, as amazing as mid-grade gin, vermouth and olive juice shaken until frigid can possilby be. Stress, stress, stress.
Today is Sunday morning and the now third day of my new menstral cycle. I haven't drank since the martini on Wednesday, which is fine. I think that now I'm even more mentally prepared for this whole process. A little bad news really puts you in a different mind set. What a reality check. It's a reality check for my circle of close friends, family and others who are 'in the know' as well. It's as if they all think that this IUI thing is a scientific guarantee for baby. My mother for example has been preaching to me since day one that we'll only need one vial, one shot, one time. Apparantly she and my sister were both superbly fertile. I sort of didn't want to know that information. I've had to re-explain to many what we've been told about concieving. It's still a very simple yet complex reaction between sperm and egg, regardless of how they meet up. We will have to see if this month they share a little more chemistry down there.
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